purple flowerNkechi (Not her real name) was beaten to a stupor by her husband, three years ago when they had a misunderstanding. Everybody, including her parents asked her to leave her husband. Her pastor was even in support of her leaving when he saw the wounds. While she was recovering, she forgave her husband of all the wrongs he did to her and asked God to forgive her husband. She could have chosen the path of unforgiveness, divorce or separation but she chose to forgive.

It’s now three years since that unfortunate event and I asked her if she ever regrets her decision to stand and fight for her marriage, she said, “No”. She said, if I am given a chance to marry again, I will still marry my husband. She told me that when she came out of the hospital, she continued to show kindness to her husband as if nothing happened. “I continued to be a wife to my husband”. Her husband broke down one day, eight months after the unfortunate event and asked her for forgiveness. Since then, her husband has never ceased to treat her like a queen. Will you say your marriage is beautiful I asked? Yes, I have a beautiful marriage, she replied.

Recently, during one of our Marriage is Beautiful Seminars, a man stood up and asked, “Does a successful and beautiful marriage have a particular formula? A kind of formula that if you add x to x, it gives you 2x in your marriage”. When the moderator of the program asked him to explain further, he said he wants someone to give him a formula he will use in his marriage so as to avoid issues and problems, a formula that will make him blissfully happy in his marriage, a formula that his brothers and sisters can equally use and it will work for them, a formula that cuts across religion and culture and geographical boundaries.

Forgiveness and Kindness is a formula that transcends geography, religion and race. With this combination working together in your marriage, there is hardly any marital storm a couple cannot ride. The storms will come with much intensity that you will think the marriage will not survive but when this two factors of forgiveness and kindness are allowed to play itself out the marriage will always bounce back and flourish much better than it was before the storm. This formula does not say it will be smooth all through but it guarantees you a happy ending.

Nkechi is a wise woman. Join me in celebrating her courage to stand and fight for what is hers. Sometimes, having a beautiful marriage can mean that you will have to stand and fight for what is rightfully yours.

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